Trauma Healing

When I first got off meth, I used to take everything so personally. When I got away from that man and off the meth, I was “hyper vigilant“, (using the best word). I was paranoid of people. I didn’t know what was real and what was not. I’m trying to tell people here, this is not the drug to get messed up in. I’ve seen and heard a lot of bad things. I’ve seen people turn into someone I don’t recognize anymore. I am grateful to God every day, wondering if this was some kind of test. I don’t know if I passed.

That drug dismantled my mental health. I know I have a diagnosis. But as time has gone on I’ve had several added. Most importantly, I suffer from Bipolar Type 2, chronic anxiety and Complex PTSD. The others I don’t want to mention cause they’re new and I don’t necessarily believe them (denial?).

Anyway, I used to think or feel other people’s energy pretty well. I can almost say I can read your mind. And I probably would if I was close enough to you and you were willing to tell me the truth. And I understand we understand, that’s hard one.

People don’t want to hear criticism. You can be as kind as you’re capable, but it’s never enough.

Me and a good friend got into an argument this evening. And I didn’t even see it coming. I had forgotten about last night. But she was still holding on to it. It’s makes me question: what kind of friends are we?

I guess I thought God brought us together to help each other become our better selves. And I continue to believe it.