Trauma Healing

Personal Experience Healing from Trauma

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Healing from trauma is a lifetime of work and dedication. Hi, my name is Cindy. I have started this blog to be more like a diary. I share my thoughts and experiences and joys so that I may touch just one heart out there. I won’t claim to know it all, as I am not a doctor. But what this is will be my own experience of trauma and recovery. And maybe a friend whom can share their wisdom as well. We are all walking this same journey in life. But all of our paths are different. I believe in oneness. I believe we are connected. Trauma doesn’t have to be huge to be trauma. Just being born can be a traumatic experience. Let’s talk about this and see where it goes.

You Can’t Heal in Survival Mode

You Can’t Heal in Survival Mode – Therapy Decoded

I wanted to share this video with you because it’s very good to watch in explaining trauma and healing. Healing isn’t always a pretty story. Healing requires a lot of work and courage. I don’t think people really understand the depth of it, and if I hadn’t been forced into my healing journey I probably wouldn’t even be here today to tell you about it. Yes, I say forced.

The reason I feel I was forced is because it started when I was on that meth. Even after I was clean I was still having a lot of triggers and nightmares. I don’t think I’ve had a good nights sleep in over five (5) years now.

Sometimes running from it seems the easiest thing to do. Talking to people who are still living in their trauma is exhausting. Trying to help them through it is even more exhausting. There’s nothing I can do or say that’s going to make a person feel better when they’ve been triggered. And it seems I trigger people a lot. Usually with no intent to. I’m frank and up front. Apparently my words come out without a filter. Thus, I lose friends as fast as I lose potential relationships. But, I am learning this has to do with my avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant behavior style? What is THAT?

There are four (4) types attachment styles:

  1. Secure
  2. Anxious (preoccupied)
  3. Avoidant (dismissive)
  4. Disorganized (fearful-avoidant)

I’ve been told by my therapist that I have an avoidant, dismissive attachment style. But I wonder if it’s more disorganized fearful-avoidant. I think I’m some of both.

Avoidant (dismissive) people keep an emotional distance from people, may appear aloof and they avoid deep discussions. Now, I appreciate deep discussions. So this attachment style isn’t 100% correct. But I do keep an emotional distance from people.

Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) sounds more accurate. I’m avoidant but sometimes seek closeness, but then I push people away.

A healthy attachment is a secure attachment. People with a secure attachment are comfortable with both intimacy and independence, and know how to express their needs in a healthy way.

Anyway, my therapist and I have talked on this subject several times and it’s been very revealing to me.

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