Trauma Healing

In my last post I touched on the four (4) attachment styles. Everybody each has their own attachment style, with the healthiest being a secure attachment.

People with a secure attachment style generally have healthy, balanced relationships. They know how to get their needs met, or have gotten all their needs met as a growing child. They’ve been taught that their needs are important and they are not afraid to express them.

Then there is the anxious attachment. This attachment style is a fear of abandonment and a constant need for closeness. This person may not have gotten all their needs met as a growing child. Maybe a parent has threatened to leave them if they don’t behave. Or maybe this person’s needs were ignored as a child.

The third type of attachment style is the avoidant style. This person may not show or express feelings. They may seem cold, distant or aloof. This comes from growing up in abuse and neglect. This persons needs were not met as a child, so they’ve learned that their needs are not important. They avoid closeness and intimate discussions.

The last attachment style is the disorganized attachment. This attachment style is associated with trauma and/or instability in childhood. People with this attachment style want closeness, but don’t know how to get it in a healthy way. They may play this “come here, go away” game (unconsciously), wanting closeness, but at the same time fearing it.

These are just brief explanations of the four (4) attachment styles. These were first brought to my attention by my therapist. We had determined that I am avoidant AND disorganized. A little bit of both. I’ve been working harder on the avoidant, because I really have a hard time connecting with people. It almost feels like I’m completely out of my body. I’ve just been working on connecting more with my family first. A person has to start somewhere.