Trauma Healing

I don’t think I will ever understand people. I can’t even understand myself at times. But God is teaching me. I know the difference between empathy and enabling. I also believe what Jesus says in the Bible, that we should show compassion to all people, regardless of what they’re doing. I’ve been taught not to stoop down to the devil’s level.

During this last round with trauma I can say that I am getting better. Quite a few of my symptoms still linger, but for the most part I’ve been feeling like my old self again. Not that life was better before, I’m simply pointing out that the things that used to trigger me so much has diminished. For some reason my birthday of 2023 opened a floodgate of healing for me. It was like it just came out of nowhere. I woke up and it was like a spell had been broken.

But God is still teaching me. Teaching me things about my childhood that I never thought of before. Like, showing empathy for my family (outside my home). I’ve been angry at my mother for a very long time. And for various reasons. The top reason at this time is, though she has apologized, nothing has changed. This is what really gets to me. I don’t think she’s even capable of changing at this point. But, she did apologize. And we haven’t spoken since. I can’t help but wonder if this apology had something to do with my youngest sister. I know she’s been needing rides. And that’s normally the only time I hear from my mother. But after her apology I guess I didn’t say enough, or did not say the right words she was hoping to hear.

God has also been showing me that the “friends” I’ve been hanging out with are not mentally or emotionally well. And people think I have problems. Which I do. I just can’t handle the constant drama some people bring to the table with them. And I’m supposed to just shut up and eat my dinner (reminds me of eating supper with my dad).

Every day is a new day for growth. But not everybody wants to grow. Most people don’t want things to change, even if some of those things are not good or healthy for them. But none of this really matters. Jesus is coming, and when he does we will all pay the price for our deeds done. Good or bad. I’m not afraid either. I feel I’ve done my best and I will continue to do my best on my healing journey, until God says it’s time to go home.