Trauma Healing

Do you ever talk with people and find out their values or morals really aren’t the same as yours? How do you handle that?

I’ll be honest, I struggle with this myself. I want to please everybody, but I want to be honest at the same time. And sometimes that just does not work. It’s not like I want to be out hurting feelings. But somehow I always manage to do it. I’m too blunt, not very choosy of my words. Until it’s too late. Then I gotta slap my self in the face and shake my head. Because it doesn’t matter what it is about, I’m always the odd ball.

I am an over texter as well. I panic when I don’t get a response right away. That is something else I don’t know how to quit. I can’t help it. I get worried and that causes anxiety. But I also know that people are really good at giving me the silent treatment when they’re mad or upset. But they don’t want to talk about it. Or they do want to talk about it, but out in a way that leaves me feeling bad. So, I end up changing my mind because I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. It’s a vicious cycle.

I also over text in disagreements. I admit I’m usually the one that starts them. Sometimes it takes me a few days to determine exactly what my problem is. And I text while I’m thinking. Not such a smart thing either. But I’m terrible at confrontation. I normally end up tongue tied and forget exactly what it is I’m trying to relay. So, because of my people pleasing personality, whatever was bothering me before, suddenly becomes no big deal now. And what truly was bothering me gets swept under the rug.

I can count on one (1) hand how many people hold hostility against me. And there’s really nothing I can do about it. I told them the truth, whether it hurt or not, and of course, instead of holding the person I complained about accountable, somehow I get blamed. It’s a sure shit show.

But back to this silent treatment game: I know far too many people that play that. And people know how it makes me feel. That’s why they do it. It’s like living with my mother all over again. Yes, you could say it’s a trigger.