Trauma Healing

I was feeling a tremendous amount of anger yesterday. It’s an emotion I haven’t felt in a long time. I didn’t know how to deal with it at the time, other than sleep it away. Which, is one of my coping skills. I don’t know if it’s necessarily a good coping skill, but that’s what I used. And when I woke up my anger had disappeared. Now it’s just more of a disappointment.

It is so hard to get along with some of my family members. Mainly my mother and my youngest sister. They have such an attitude of entitlement. More so my sister. But since my mother is living with her, she is guilty by association in my eyes. She agrees with my sister whether it’s right or not.

How do you deal with these kinds of situations? I’m exasperated about it myself. I don’t know what to do or how to help. I’m tired of them taking advantage of people then throwing them away. Like they are a nobody. And it’s family that they are doing this to.

I’ve been thinking about my life and about all the things that I do or have done wrong. But the bottom line, I’m just the scapegoat in this family and that is not going to change as long as they’re in the dark and I’m in the light.

They completely lack empathy. I think that makes them narcissistic. My sister needs to pay more attention to what’s going on inside her own home rather than on what other family members are doing.

I haven’t been in that house for …. Maybe three (3) years (?). Maybe longer. I quit going in there, because of all the cats.

Why my mom became a cat hoarder is something I don’t understand. I mean, did she hoard cats because my dad was so cruel to cats? It’s true he was cruel. But it’s a mystery I cannot solve. Fortunately, to my knowledge they are all finally gone.

What really upsets me is that she threw my brother off the property after he paid it off and transferred it over to her. And the only reason why he did that is because he was in a very vulnerable state at the time. And my sister and mother both took advantage of that.

So, I’m angry and resentful. More so toward my sister. I feel my mom is getting too old to get involved in this drama herself. So, I blame my sister. I don’t see my feelings toward her changing anytime in the near future. Is this Godly? Probably not. But I have a right to feel my feelings and for as long as it takes I will not be involved in her or my mother’s life.