Trauma Healing

I guess this picture is probably the most fitting. I just realized I moved from one client to another out of jealousy. I had been with that client for a very long time. Somebody came in and took my place. That’s just how I feel. And it’s my own fault for leaving her earlier to care for my relative. When I came back I was forgotten and she had established a new relationship with the employee that took my place.

I knew I had been replaced when I was given the worst hours (for me). I don’t do well with afternoon shifts. I’ve got too much time before work to think about work, make myself sick, then end up not going. This cycle has been noticeable to me now that I’ve had time to reflect back.

When I first started working there, of course, I always have anxiety starting something new. I worked the PM shift at that time and I was a wreck. Once I changed to mornings I excelled. Everybody noticed the difference in me.

This new employee taking my place, now I feel/felt expendable. Like I’m no longer needed. And it hurt me, I won’t lie.

So, I just went somewhere where I could work mornings. Where I’m at now is a difficult job for me. Not really difficult, but mentally challenging. And I think God is doing this on purpose. I’m working with a male client. And God knows my fear of males. God is strengthening me. He is forcing me to deal with things I need to deal with. And he’s doing a great job at it (that’s sarcasm). No, seriously, this is teaching me something. And when I’m done learning I will pass my wisdom on.

I’ve learned from this experience that God will move you when it’s time for you to move. And he’s moving me. I’ve been procrastinating long enough. It’s somebody else’s turn and I’m sure it is for the betterment of all involved.

My job is a pretty easy job. But I find it very mentally challenging. It takes patience, discipline, social interaction, etc. I find these things challenging. Maybe not so for the average human being. But really, all it boils down to is getting used to a different routine.