Trauma Healing

I put strip lights along the ceiling of my apartment and I think it is so beautiful. It displays all colors, but I have a preference to purple, so that’s where it stays.

I am so happy to have my own place. Well, not alone anymore. My brother is staying with me now. Feels like a tight fit, but we’re making it work. I sure am glad I picked up a twin mattress from facebook marketplace. It even came with a platform.

But now my house feels really cluttered. I’m not sure how to solve the problem, except put the rest of my clothes away that are in a basket.

I’m thinking about getting a couple outfits for my brother. He has nothing for clothes here and I don’t know when his gf is even going to bring what he has. I’m a poor person in a giving mood.

I’m still very bitter towards my youngest sister and my mother. The way they have used and taken advantage of my brother still has my head boiling. But I’m going to try and help my brother get a mental health case worker to help him find some services.

Lastly, I think I’m growing a crush on someone. But it’s hard to tell, because we really haven’t spent that much time alone together. Now that I have a roommate it’s a little embarrassing for me to get too close to my new friend. But I do know I like him enough. He’s different than most men I’ve dated. And I’ve never dated a Capricorn. So we’re going to see how this goes.

The biggest issue with me is trust. And though I strongly feel this man would never intentionally hurt me, it’s the body that keeps the score. When we are affectionate it feels suffocating at times. I just don’t trust him yet. And it has nothing to do with anything he’s done. It’s just me, and my past. Some actions are just really triggering.