Trauma Healing

That is a Himalayan Salt Lamp I finally got out of storage. What a treasure it was to find. And I’m glad I was able to find a spot for it in my apartment. You may also notice another new addition as well.

I finally figured out what makes me sneeze so much in the mornings. I think I’m allergic to dry coffee grounds. I finally caught myself sneezing up a storm while making coffee this morning. Looking back, I see a pattern.

I went back to storage today and picked up some more treasures. I’m already preparing for another alter. I picked up a thinner 3-drawer tote from storage today. Again, a great treasure to find. It wasn’t as full as I had imagined I’d left it, so I was able to put all of my incense, sage, purpose candles, etc. in it. This gives it great purpose.

I also ran across a devotional a friend of mine from outpatient treatment gave me back in February 2021. It’s called, “A Grandmother’s Guide to Praying For Her Family”, by Nancy Ann Yeager. Below is what I read today:

All this nostalgia has been wonderful, yet triggering. As I bring this stuff out from the past it seems each piece reminds me of something. Where I was when I first grew interest, and what state of mind was I in (?).

I remember getting this devotional. But at the time I was so wrapped up in myself I put it aside. Now, 4-5 years later, it means something to me. And that’s how I believe life goes.

Back to my original thought: This 3-drawer tote has a top to it (of course). I’m trying to decide what kind of alter I can put on it. I love alters. And they all mean something special and different to me…. It’s like lining my wishes up all in a row 🤔 😁.

I can’t blame these interests on meth anymore. I had these interests prior to meth coming along, I just never practiced them. I was afraid of what people would think of me. I come from a very conservative community. I do believe in God, and Jesus, and that because of what Jesus did I can now go to God with no shame.

I’ve been on both sides of the coin and I would say it’s all the same. It’s just called all kinds of different names.

Even in the Bible Jesus is described as the High Priest. So, to me, it’s all just a different word for the same thing.

4:44 you are surrounded and protected by your angels.

I’m still trying to come up with an idea for an alter. What can I pray about…. ?

Dear God, I pray for peace. Peace in the world. Peace for my family and friends. Peace for my enemies. And peace for myself. In Jesus name I pray.

Maybe my alter should pertain to peace ☮️ 🤔…..

I ran across an item that really reminded me of the man who introduced me to methamphetamine. I threw the item away. It was a one (1) stem blue glass flower vase. I had a hard time letting it go. But that’s only because it reminds me of him. He was a vase collector. I think I got that vase from him. Or, I bought it for him and he didn’t like it. OR, I bought it for myself. Whatever the story, after taking it out of the garbage three (3) times and putting it back, I DID walk away from it.

Haha. Okay, so I took it out of the dumpster the next day. I just happened to run into it looking for something else I accidentally threw away. I don’t have a spot for it yet, but maybe on the tote 🤔

Anyway, that’s the vase. It needs a flower. I might have to get myself one. Unless, my lover boy reads this and gets the hint 🫆 😁.

Yes, I am seeing someone. A Capricorn ♑️. So, what’s my struggle you ask? I’m struggling because I really like him, but I don’t think he’ll put up with me for too long. I’ve still got a lot of trauma. Most of it sexual. I don’t believe I’ve been able to move past that yet. And I know people find that frustrating. But I can’t help it.