Trauma Healing

I haven’t slept worth a damn in two nights. I’m exhausted, but still sleep is eluding me. I wake up from nightmares and my mind won’t stop thinking. Mostly about the nightmares and that I don’t want to have another one.

I saw that man for about a week, three weeks ago now. I don’t know why. I was hoping he had changed. But I learned he had not. He left me in limbo again. I just sent him a text and told him I don’t want to see him anymore. And I haven’t.

I’m going to PE therapy because of him. The things he did to me, I just cannot get over. How deceived I was. How ignorant I was. It’s been over five years now and I still talk about the garbage. I know people are tired of hearing about it. That’s why I was so relieved when my therapist referred me to a PE therapist. I really feel I might actually get somewhere with her, unlike DBT or EMDR. Not that I won’t do those things. I just wasn’t ready. And I’m still not.

I have really been played, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Except be angry. And that’s what I am.

I got more jail time for a petty offense than he did for being convicted of a felony. That just does not make sense to me. I just don’t understand the legal system. I’m angry, and I can’t help it. Not right now.

And then he sent me some weird video. With no explanation. I think he was trying to scare me, like he used to do in the past. Get me paranoid, then I’d go psychotic. I really don’t like him. I don’t trust him.

He says he was “traumatized” over his arrest. I don’t think so. I don’t think he’s learned a dang thing. He’s just trying to get sympathy from his community. People know him. It used to be on good terms. Until the day of his arrest. Now, everybody knows the truth, and they’ve exiled him for leading a double life. What does he expect?

I strongly feel this person is dealing with the devil. I mean, he has a demonic spirit in him. I don’t hate the person, I hate the spirit within them.