My first post, early in the morning. I’m a bit rusty at this. Been a long time since I’ve written in a blog. Back then I had so much to talk about with my delirium behavior. But seven (7) long years and I’m actually healing. Not just physically, but mentally/spiritually and emotionally. I’m almost back to the “old Cindy”. Back to who I really am. My authentic self.
I used to have a lot to say, when I was “Bipolar-.Period”. But thank the great God those days are over. I was not myself. Dabbling into drugs made me into somebody I was not. What you saw in the past was a pathetic woman attempting to become somebody, with the use of drugs. Well, that didn’t work and I spent two years in fear. Fear of my own doing. I can shake it from my brain, but it’s still there, lurking in my subconscious. And as long as it still lurks, then I guess I still have more healing to do in that area. But I’m far better than I had been seven (7) years ago.
Most of my healing has been done alone. In silence. With nobody around for distractions. Some was and is still done with the help of a therapist. Regardless of how it happened, it did. And I can’t say that I am 100% better, but running close. Always running just close. I don’t think a person completely runs into healing until their great creator takes them home. In the meantime we just use our coping skills to survive this tough world. Sometimes those coping skills are beneficial and sometimes they no longer serve you. Then it’s time to move on.
I’ve still got a lot of new coping skills to learn. I still use my old, but they no longer serve me and need to be tossed aside for new skills; healthy skills. And as I learn them I will try to pass them on. As it says in the Bible, I’m still running the race. It’s not over yet.
Trauma Healing 