Trauma Healing

I used to be easily triggered by people, but not so much anymore. First of all, I avoid anything or anyone that I feel is going to be a trigger. I know that’s not the best answer to the problem, but it’s the best answer I have right now. I know a time is going to come when I have to face these triggers. And I’ve decided it may take a year, as I work my way through DBT first. I tried doing EMDR, with two (2) different therapists, but I learned I wasn’t ready to work on that. I wasn’t, or am not at this point, ready to deal with these salty memories.

I’ve tried several relationships, several friendships, and even just dealing with my own family (outside of my immediate family I’m living with). Nothing good has come out of any of these trials. They all bring about immediate stress for me. Nobody I’ve tried to deal with has worked on their own trauma, so everything I try to say to them or talk to them about feels like I’m scratching my finger nails on a chalkboard. Nobody wants to hear, learn or grow. I guess it is what it is.

I get easily triggered in relationships. And when I get triggered I run. As is the case with just friendships. As is the case with family.

Triggers come in many forms. Words, smells, emotions, etc. I am not completely healed of triggers. They even pop up in my dreams.

How to explain a trigger can be difficult. And definitely difficult for the other person who has no clue what you’ve been through. This is probably the most frustrating part for me. Because people can do or say things that are triggering, and they don’t even realize it. Or I get triggered and don’t even realize that’s what’s going on myself. I just know I’ve gotta run. Certain phrases trigger me. Certain smells trigger me. As well, certain sounds can trigger me.

I have a terrible problem with isolating. This has more to do with being triggered out in the public. So I prefer to stay close to home, in my room. I get anxious when I know I’m going to be away from home for a night. Dealing with people can be exhausting, because I am so easily triggered. It’s overwhelming sometimes. I definitely need more help in this area. But so far, avoidance is the best option right now.